Those moments that seal
by CavaLire
Summary: Lily and James have become close friends by the end of their Hogwarts years. But when Lily's feelings start to blossom into something more, despite being in the midst of a war, what will she choose to do? And how will it affect not only her and James' lives, but also Severus'.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

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**Chapter 1. Life's greatest burdens**

Sixth year had gone by in a blur for Lily, so many things had changed, she wasn't quite sure she was ready to face her seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Even though, she was glad to be back; summer had been particularly difficult this year. It was her first time back home since the death of her parents and she had had to go through it living with Petunia and her whale of a fiancé Vernon. If things had been tense between the two sisters before, it was nothing compared to what things had become since that excuse of a man had found his way into Petunia's life. Lily knew her parents wouldn't agree with the two of them being engaged; they had disliked him the very first moment they had laid their eyes on him. But they were gone now, and Petunia had made her choice.

As if that hadn't been enough, every time Lily would leave the house to escape the ghost of her parents or the overwhelming presence that was Vernon, she had to scurry around the neighbourhood in an attempt to avoid Snape. He had never really left her alone, even after the "mudblood incident" in fifth year. But ever since he had learned of Mr. and Miss. Evan's passing he, for all intense and purpose, had become Lily's shadow. Of course, before leaving Hogwarts for the summer vacations he had been pretty discrete about it, not wanting the other Slytherins knowing he cared. But he did. More than anyone would ever know... So once summer came rolling around and no one was there to take notice, he hardly hid his attempts to get a glimpse at her. Lily was thankful for one thing though: at least he had stopped trying to talk to her all the time, and on those rare occasions when he would tempt his luck once more, he had learned to steer clear of the topic of the passing of her family.

James Potter had written to her quite a bit during the summer, he had even been by a few times to see her. Sometimes he would come alone, other times all the Marauders would tag along. And sometimes, just sometimes, Lily would visit him and his family at the Potter Mansion. She had grown fond of the boys and was happy to have their companionship. She had grown closer to them after the death of her parents. She didn't know if it had been her grief or if it was because they had finally matured, but their relationship had changed immensely in the previous year and one would rarely see the Marauders without Lily, or she without them. Of course Lily had other friends, close female friends. But the bonds she had developed with the Marauders during that year is what kept her going through the hard times. It's what permitted her to live through the grief and grow. And that's why, even with her anxieties regarding her seventh year and her new responsibilities as Head Girl, Lily was glad to be back at Hogwarts: she had escaped the ghost of her parents, the excruciating agony of living with her sister and Vernon, the exhausting burden that was Severus (well… almost!) and she could now spend her days with her friends and the Marauders, especially James, who had pretty much become her best friend during the summer months. All in all, it was good to be back!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

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**Chapter 2. Turning point**

No matter how much has taken place before, this story truly begins on their second week of their seventh year. Dreams had tormented Lily all through the night and so, her morning was a late one. Having skipped breakfast entirely, she ran through the third floor corridors as to make it to her transfiguration class in time. She did NOT want to be late to class on her second week as Head Girl, especially not to McGonagall's class.

It was in this moment that she saw it: a first year's bag being torn open by magic. She glared around trying to spot the culprit, but none could be seen. This time last year she immediately would have concluded that this was a Marauder's doing, probably James or Sirius, but she knew that these were no longer the pranks they pulled. Nonetheless, she was astonished to see James Potter immediately come to the first year's aid.

_'Must be his Head Boy badge having an effect on him.' _ She immediately thought to herself. But then, what really hit her, was that James wasn't helping just any first year; he was helping a Slytherin - and wasn't even being arrogant about it.

She stood there in disbelief, not quite knowing what to think about it and feeling guiltier by the second, realizing that, even if she had befriended him, she hadn't really permitted herself to truly see him for who he had become.

Having him appointed as Head Boy had been somewhat of a shock to Lily. She thought for sure it would have been Remus, or if not, as much as she loathed to admit it, Snape. She had been happy about his appointment though, until she realized that, the head rooms that had appeared at the top of the Gryffindor common room stairs, also had a common area adjoining their rooms that were reserved for the both of them. It's not that she didn't trust him, she didn't even think that he had any feelings for her anymore, except friendship of course, but for some reason, having him in such close proximity to her sent shivers down her spine. Of course she had come to realise that she was physically attracted to him, but she never thought it could be anything more than that. She was wrong.

Because in that moment, watching him and realising how much he'd grown, she knew that what she had worked so hard to push to the back of her mind in the past months, would no longer keep quiet. Maybe James had been right… Maybe they did fit well together.

**XXX**

Weeks went by, Lily's feelings growing. They would talk and tease, flirt even. At meals they almost always sat next to one another, arms brushing and words exchanged as if they were sharing secrets, but that were in fact, simply ways to get closer. In class they would exchange looks and notes, smiles and winks. And when the day was over and they went back to Gryffindor tower, they would often be seen sitting with their friends, faces flushed as they tried keeping their eyes off one another. And when one of them decided to go study in the Head's common room, the other would be seen, barely five minutes later, heading up to their quarters.

It was almost two months into the term when the first Hogsmeade trip rolled around and Lily, had heard that Florence, the school's sweet, perfect and utterly adored Florence, had asked James to accompany her. Even knowing the fallouts of the Hogwarts rumour mill, Lily could hardly take it. She kept her distance from James after that, not wanting to let him see the hurt that she felt.

And so, on their very first Hogsmeade trip of the year, Lily found herself quietly sitting with her friends in the three Broomsticks. Dorcas and Marlene talking happily, completely unaware of Lily's inner turmoil.

It was only a few short minutes after entering the pub, that the Marauders swung the door open and entered, the four of them lost in conversation and laughs. Immediately, Lily's eyes shot up and fell on James. And it's with immense pleasure she noticed that there was no Florence to be seen, only Sirius, Remus and Peter. As a matter of fact, she didn't remember seeing her all day, not even when they were in line to be let out of the castle. It's with this glimmer of hope that she sat there, staring at James, and albeit unknowingly, a small smile spread across her dazed face.

James, as if sensing someone looking at him, or maybe out of sheer habit of always feeling Lily's presence when nearby, suddenly looked her way, catching her gaze and looking at her straight in the eyes. Seeing her expression, his smile froze and his stepped faltered; he had never seen Lily's look so intent, except maybe during her OWLS. And even then… this, somehow, seemed different. For the first time in a long time, James was utterly unable to know what Lily was feeling and that troubled him more then he would have liked to admit.

Lily flushed red and quickly turned away, looking back at her friends, who hadn't seemed to noticed Lily's unease. Hardly listening to their conversation, she let her eyes dart back to James, although this time, she allowed herself to hold his gaze and smile as a small blush crept up, spreading on both cheeks.

"Hey Lily-Pad!" cried Sirius, waving his hand frantically to get her attention.

"Hey Sirius'' she laughed. ''You lot having a nice day?" and even though her question was intended for all four Marauders, her eyes briskly found their way to James.

"Obviously!" answered Remus swiftly, noticing James' sudden inability to speak.

"Hey Lily" breathed the latter. Then looking to the rest of the table with a swift nod "girls". The Marauders went on their way then, finding another table for the four of them.

And even though she was desperately trying not to, it wasn't long before Lily was peering once more in James' direction, shifting in her seat and unconsciously running her deep red locks through her fingers. Of course it wasn't long before James took notice, and soon both were stealing glances from the other until finally, both were looking intently in the other's eye from across the room, paying little attention to the people they were actually with. Dorcas and Marlene never noticed, as they were now going on about some boy Dorcas had met over the summer, and James' friends were used to having him zone out when ever Lily was around. Or mentioned. Or thought of…

It was another half hour later, when Remus, being the only one that had noticed the exchange and unable to take it anymore, nudged his friend.

"Prongs, you daft mate? Get over there." he whispered so that no one else could hear.

And with that, James, without even saying a word to his friends, made his was over to Lily. He was moving towards her as if in a trance and simply couldn't take his eyes off the shy smile spread across her face. For more than thirty minutes now, he had been wondering, or hoping really, if that smile could possibly mean anything more. It was, however, with a start, that he finally took notice of the beautiful blush that was now spread over her entire face and neck.

"Didn't _you_ have a date?" She questioned immediately. "Scared her off already?" She added with a small smirk, trying to keep the heat from her face.

"What? Oh! Florence you mean? No she asked but er… she's not… I mean, I don't. Well. No. I'm surprised you're not on a date. I was sure that bloke Aubrey would have asked you."

"Bertram? He did actually. Which is - er - quite surprising if you ask me, considering what you and Sirius did to him last time." She giggled softly in spite of herself.

"What that Engorgio hex? It was nothing..." James spluttered shamefully.

"His head grew twice his size!"

"Yeah well... You're avoiding the question!" James teased her. "Com'on! Don't give me cheek Evans, I know you had the hots for him."

"_Had_. Past tense. But - er..."

"But…?" Came James' drawn out question.

"But… he's just not who I wanted to come with!" Was Lily's raced reply. Her blush growing an interesting shade of red as she turned her gaze away to look anywhere but at James. With a pang in his chest, James smiled fully, all the while trying to keep control over his emotions. He didn't want to be mistaken again, not about this.

"Lily, who…" but he was cut off by Dorcas' voice coming from behind him.

"Potter. What do you want?" The girls hadn't heard much of the conversation, and even though the two Heads were friends now, they didn't want to risk a fight between the two if James seemed to be going down old paths. Of course, the girls had no idea about how close friends the two of them had become, nor did they know of Lily's true feelings. If they did, they'd be using completely different tactics.

"Er… just Head's stuff. You all good Lils?" and after waiting for a small nod and smile from her part, he continued "Ok. Good. Well I'll um… I'll see you later. Ok?"

"Yeah James. Later" she smiled taking all of him in, still blushing furiously.

And then, from the moment James walked back to his table to the moment they reached the castle for supper, Lily had absolutely no idea of what was going on around her. She could hear her friends talking as she nodded along to the conversation, but she had no idea what the conversation was about. She also took absolutely no notice of the growing frown of a student that was now watching her intently: Severus Snape. She was however, perfectly aware of James' sheepish grin, glinting eyes and growing blush as his friends laughed around him and patted him on the back.

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**Florence**: Was mentioned in _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_ as a girl that went to school at Hogwarts during the Marauders' Era. Bertha Jorkins once caught her kissing a boy behind the greenhouses.

**Bertram Aubrey:** Was mentioned in _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_. It was said that James Potter and Sirius Black had once performed a hex on him, causing his head to grow twice its original size. It's unknown what motivated the boys to do so, but they were both given detention.

**Dorcas Meadows:** Was mentionned in _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. _It is unknown at what time Dorcas attended Hogwarts. However, she was an original member of the Order of the Phoenix. She died in the second half of 1981. She was presumed to be a very powerful witch, Alastor Moody stating that she had been killed by Voldemort personally.

**Marlene McKinnon:** Brief reference to the McKinnons is made in _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. She was also mentioned in _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, __Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ as well as in _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_. It is unknown at what time Marlene attended Hogwarts but she was an original member of the Order of the Phoenix. She was killed by Death Eaters, along with her entire family, before the last weekend of October in 1981.

_All information found on: Harry Potter Wiki_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

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**Chapter 3. ****An evening to remember**

That evening at diner, the seventh year Gryffindors were particularly loud. The Marauders kept teasing Lily, trying to get her closer to James. If none of them, save Remus, had noticed Lily and James' exchange during their Hogsmeade visit, they could certainly not ignore the way they kept teasing each other on the way back.

It started with Lily and her friends catching up with the boys as they were walking towards the castle. None of them had noticed the three girls coming up from behind, being busy listening to James explain, yet again, why he was sure _this time_ he _was_ getting somewhere with Lily, but how he was still afraid of getting his hopes up - and '_oh what should he do?'_ Which explains why they were all caught off guard when James received a particularly large snowball to the back of the head. As the girls broke off in peals of laughter, the boys spun around. James' eye falling instantly on Lily, we was astounded to see that she was bright red and that her friends were congratulating her on such a precise throw.

"She didn't even need an aiming spell!" Dorcas was nearly crying she was laughing so hard at the boys bewildered expressions.

"Yeah well" Marlene's gleeful voice cut in "I guess years of doing it the muggle way pays off!"

And before anyone had the time to do anything, James was launching himself at Lily, tackling her to the ground. As they fell in the snow laughing loudly, the Marauders started pelting the two other girls with snowballs, magically aimed of course, and everyone grew too busy to notice how James had turned himself around midair so that Lily would fall on top of him, making sure she wouldn't hurt herself in the fall. Remus didn't miss however, how both Lily and James where looking intently into each other's eyes, and Sirius didn't miss how, two seconds later, having regained some sort of composure, Lily grabbed a handful of snow, smearing it in James' face before running off laughing with her friends. James didn't react immediately, his lust filled eyes following Lily up the path.

"Need a cold shower mate?" Sirius laughed as he offered his hand to his friend to help pull him up.

So that's why, when Lily made her way over to the boys at dinner, and sat next to James, none of the Marauders missed how she pressed close to him, softly put her hand on his forearm while turning her bright eyes to his and asked him, voice low and sensual "Had a nice shower? I kind of got you... _hard_."

He knew she must be talking about how she hit him with the snowball, but he couldn't stop himself from dropping his fork. But then, looking back at her knowing smile, he had to wonder if that's what she really meant. He struggled awkwardly on his bench trying to hid the bulge growing in his pants as his friends laughed knowingly at him. He choked back a gasp when Lily put her hand on his thigh, subtly looking down.

**XXX**

Later that night, as she was coming back from some time studying in the library, her thoughts full of James and the look on his face when she touched him, she was interrupted by a low, cold voice ringing out behind her

"Lily?" She knew that voice, would recognize it anywhere. But it was still with reticence that she slowly turned towards it, asking herself all the while why hadn't she just ignored it and kept walking.

"What do you want Snape?" Her voice was harsh, she really wanted nothing to do with him.

"What are you doing?"

"Excuse me?"

"What are you doing?" He asked again curtly, accusingly.

"Well I _was_ walking..."

"Not what I meant and you know it." He cut her off irritated.

"Well I don't know _what_ you're talking about. But it's none of your business I'm sure." And with that, she turned to walk away exasperated by her old friend. He just had a way of getting to her, and it wasn't pleasant in the least.

"I meant with _him_! With _Potter_! What. are. you. _doing_?" He was getting angry now and as much as he wanted to fight it, it was showing trough his voice.

"With..." but her voice broke off, cracking of its own accord. "I'm not doing anything with _James_, other than head business." She'd made a point of using his first name, partly because she wanted to; she didn't just see him as _Potter_ anymore, and partly because she didn't mind making Snape see red. "Not that it's any of your business, as I'd presumed." she finished coolly, although her heartbeat had accelerated at the mention of James.

"That's not true and you know it! I see how you both look at each other. Steeling glances, laughing... _touching_." He spat that last word, the mere thought of it causing bile to rise to his throat.

"Yeah. Because we're _friends_ now." She couldn't fight the blush that had found its way to her cheeks in his last statement. Of course there was something between them. Of course she wouldn't touch someone that was _just_ _a friend_ the way that she had touched James previously today. But he didn't need to know that, it was none of his business.

"Funny. I don't remember _us_ being so touchy." And if it was possible, his voice was even lower than before, anger and resentment seeping into every word. "And what happened to him being a bullying toe-rag? Or have you already forgotten? Fallen for his charms like those other fools, have you?" His voice was cold, eyes biting into her. He was livid, she could tell by the look in his eyes, but she didn't care. Not anymore.

"Well. Seems to me like I've been a poor judge of character in the past. _Severus._" And with that she turned to leave, saying as she went "What goes on between James and I. Is none of your business." And she was gone. And in that moment, he knew he had lost her forever.

**XXX**

It was only three days later, as Lily was happily sitting down for breakfast, that her world changed. Yet again.

Things between her and James had been getting clearer and clearer and she couldn't stop the smile that would spread across her face every time she thought of it. Every day they would be seen together, laughing and flirting. It had become quite evident that they couldn't stop but gravitate towards one another, and all of their friends had been making bets on how long it would actually take for them to just _finally_ get on with it and officially date. Lily was shy though and worried. She had been so sure for months now that James no longer felt that way about her. And even if the past few days had seem to show different, she was worried that after years of chasing her, maybe he'd find her to be a letdown. As for James, if he had learned anything during his previous six years at Hogwarts, it was to not take anything for granted, especially when it came to Lily, and to not get his hopes up. He didn't know what he would do if Lily turned him down again. Now that he was almost positive she finally wanted to be with him.

But that morning, as Lily was lost in her thoughts, thinking about how James had looked at her the night before, lightly grazing his fingers against her own as he wished her goodnight, an owl swooped down and dropped a copy of the daily prophet before her.

Reading the first page, her bagel fell to the ground as it suddenly became clear, as to why, she just couldn't be with the man that had been in all her latest dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

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**Chapter 4. ****Secrets**

It was a four days later, as she was quietly sitting in the Head's common room, that Lily was desperately trying, and failing, to concentrate on her work. Her mind kept slipping back to James, his lips, his hair, his eyes and oh _that body_. But she couldn't, wouldn't, and she desperately needed to get her head back on straight. Continuously thinking about James this way, as well as the sad face he'd been wearing since she'd gone back to ignoring him, did nothing to help her get through her own days. Swearing lightly as James' bedroom door opened behind her, she made to gather her belongings, not ready to face the object of her latest fantasies. She whirled around in shock though, when it wasn't James' voice, but Remus', that called out to her.

"Hi Lily, sorry I startled you" Remus said closing the door behind him before making his way over to her.

"Remus! It's ok... thought you were James actually. What are you doing up here? James isn't here..."

"I know. I have to pass by his room to get up here remember? Well. I could pass by yours. But, you know. With the girls stairs. And then guessing your password. It's a 'bit of a hassle. _Anyways_, I didn't see him there and definitely don't see him here. _Soooooo_... I figured." Remus was looking at her with mischief in his eyes. He was by far the tamest of the Marauders, but he still never let up an opportunity to tease someone.

"Oh ha ha!" She smirked trying to feign annoyance, but failing miserably as she smiled back to her friend.

"I was looking for you, actually."

"Oh?" Came Lily's surprised reply, "everything ok? Anything I can help you with?"

"Just wanted to talk." He started his voice trailing off slightly, his eyes meeting hers. She could tell he was a bit uncomfortable, but couldn't figure out why. "About James. Well. About you and James."

"Me and...?" Lily's voice was low and full of surprise as she cut herself off. Regaining composure she continued in a more controlled voice "there is no me and James, Remus, surely you of all people would know that."

"Exactly."

"What?" She was surprised now, not quite understanding what Remus was getting at.

"Listen Lily, I won't pretend to understand what's going through your mind. But I won't pretend that I haven't seen the way you've been looking or acting around him either. You've been jumping from hot to cold since we've gotten back and you're killing him Lily, you..."

But before he could keep going, Lily cut him off, her voice low and broken and her eyes looking anywhere but at him. "That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid Remus..."

"What!?" His voice came out much louder than he wanted. Of all the answers that he would have anticipated, that clearly wasn't one of them. "Lily, I don't know what you're talking about, but... How? How could all of this be to protect him? Seriously Lily... You know I'm not here to pass judgment or anything on you but, Lily... One second you're flirting with him and the next you barely acknowledge his existence. I know you don't want to hurt him Lily, I know something must be going on, but I don't understand. I mean, you're not even acting as if you're his friend anymore..."

Remus cut himself off abruptly when tears started flowing freely down her cheeks. He had been friends with Lily a lot longer than any of the Marauders, and still, he couldn't recall ever seeing her cry. And so, not even thinking about if she would mind, he pulled her tightly into his arms.

"Lily, what's wrong, what is it?" Pulling her away lightly to look into her eyes, he continued "Come on Lily, what's wrong. You know you can trust me. You can talk to me."

"Right! Like you trust me!?" She knew she was being unfair, jabbing at anything just to get him to stop. To stop herself from telling him everything so that he couldn't report back to James.

Dropping his arms from his friendly embrace he looked at her, shock filling his eyes. "What? What are you talking about Lily? Of course I trust you. We _all_ trust you."

"Right... so is that why you've never seen fit to tell _me_ about your _furry little problem_? Or how the guys _help _you _every month_!?"

She didn't know why, but she was angry all of a sudden. Angry at Remus for not trusting her enough. Angry at the others, _especially_ James, for putting their lives in danger every month. She didn't know what they did or how they did it, had never breathed a word to any of them about it, but since she figured out about the other boys monthly disappearances, she always made sure to watch for their safe return on those nights they went gallivanting around the castle on full moons. She didn't particularly like the Marauders back then, except Remus of course, but she couldn't imagine what she would do if any of them got hurt. The thought of telling on them was out of the question though, because although she hadn't known the reasons back then, she still remembered how awful Remus used to look when he'd come back from being _ill_, or _taking care of his mother_... Although she had her assumptions, she didn't know exactly when his friends had figured it out and started helping him, but he looked so much better now, and she had no doubt that they had a part in that. She couldn't take that away from him.

"I...what?" Remus was stuttering now, he's cool demeanour lost completely, but she couldn't bring herself to stop.

"Do _not_ play stupid with me Remus Lupin! I _know_ you're a werewolf. I've known for _years_! And don't you _think_ I haven't noticed the guys slipping out on full moons! I don't know how they do it, but I know it has something to do about you. Do you _really think_ I wouldn't figure it out? Even without Sev - _Snape's_ nonstop prattling about it, it was easy to figure out. Especially with us being _friends_ Remus!"

He didn't know what to say, standing there staring at her wide eye. One thing was sure though. He had _not_ been expecting _this_. "You... you knew?"

"Of course I knew Remus." Her voice finally settling back to a normal tone. She felt slightly ashamed for exploding at him about this. She had always understood how difficult it must be for him and why he must be so terrified about anyone finding out. Of course it had stung that he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her, but she understood.

"Lily... I - I'm sorry." He looked so crestfallen as he looked away from her. "I was afraid you would..."

"I get it Remus, I do." She cut him off "I'm sorry. That had nothing to do with all of this. I didn't mean..."

"It's ok Lily. I guess I'm kind of relieved that you know. And still... you know... stick around."

"Of course I would Remus!" She looked at him, appalled. "You're still Remus you know!"

"I know, I just... Never mind!" He looked back at her suddenly. "Don't think you're getting out of this James talk!" His voice suddenly brighter. "I know you're mad that I didn't tell you, but you're not getting off that easy. You and James are my friends, and I know something is wrong."

Sitting back down and putting her head down between both hands, a deep sigh escaped her lips. Lily's voice came out soft and muffled. "Being with him... I couldn't do that to him. It would be too dangerous. I couldn't put him in that situation. I mean. With everything that's been going on, all those attacks..."

And if that whole _'I know you're a werewolf and don't care'_ discussion hadn't been enough to convince him of it, in that moment, Remus truly understood how amazing this woman sitting in front of him was - truly understood James' continued devotion to her. "Lily, James wouldn't want that to stop you. He would never let that come between you."

"That's exactly why _I_ have to be the one to stay away!" She exclaimed looking up at him now. "James won't care that I could get him killed. But I care Remus! I love him too much to put him in that situation!"

Remus was astounded. He knew that Lily had feelings for his best mate, but he never knew how deep the truly went.

"You've seen what they do to muggle-borns and to their families - to the people they love - that love them... I can't. I couldn't."

Remus wanted to console her. He wanted so badly to tell her that it shouldn't stop her. That James' name was marked no matter what, because he would never,_ never_ stand by and let the muggle-borns get brought down without a fight. But he couldn't find the words to tell her, because he understood exactly how she felt. He felt it too, every time there was an attack on half bloods and their friends and families.

"Promise me you won't tell him Remus. You can't. I have to protect him, Remus. Please promise me."

"I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

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**Chapter 5. ****Confrontations**

Another two days went by before James lost it. He had had enough. And, as Lily was then again working in their shared common room, she suddenly heard the door bang open behind her as James entered. Before she knew it, she'd pounced from her chair, knots filling her stomach.

"James! I didn't - euh... I'm just gonna go. " And before he even had the time to react, she was making a break for the door, hair flying behind her.

"Lily! Wait!"

She paused, not daring to turn. She knew her face was flushed. Her heart pounding in her chest, but try as she might, she couldn't will it back under control. She couldn't for the life of her figure out how she could have thought working in the head's common room could ever have been a good idea. But James had respected her space and her need to bolt every time he had tried approaching her in the past week. Of course that wouldn't last though. It _is_ James Potter we're talking about here. And in that moment, she could feel the panic making its way to her chest, pressing against her lungs. Her control was waning and it's all because she wants him so badly.

"Lily... you know... What's going on? " His voice was almost a whisper by the time he reached his question, not sure he really wants to know the answer. He doesn't understand anymore, can't.

"I - James. I just - euh... I have some things to do... "

"Bullocks!" His voice ringing loudly this time, filled with anger and loneliness and oh so many things he can't even decipher anymore. This is too much, and it's gone on long enough. "You've been avoiding me..."

"What? No..." She tries to cut him off but he won't back down now. He won't just let her slip away for something foolish. Because he _knows_ it has to be foolish. Everything between them was _finally_ falling into place, going perfectly. And then she just... bolted.

"Don't pretend! I don't get you Lily! First you hate me. And ok, fine! I get that, I was a prick with an overinflated ego always going after your best friend. Fine! But then we get along... are almost friends even! And I think that _hey!_ we actually probably are friends. _I'm_ friends with _Lily Evans_! After that, we nearly become best friends, we hang out, we talk. And now here we are, co-heads. And I'm thinking; _great_ I get to spend more time with her, get to show her that I can take this seriously. I can do things right, be mature... you know? And here I am thinking that it's going _wonderfully_, that you're _finally_ warming up to me! That maybe we could be more than friends. And all of a sudden, _nothing_! You can't look at me, can't even stand being in the same ROOM as me!" He's livid now, as he spreads his arms wide showing off the room they're in. All of his emotions are pouring through him, his voice growing in intensity all the while, and by now he's practically screaming, but he doesn't care anymore. Because he just can't take it! Can't _take_ that he's losing her, when he started to let himself believe, against all his good judgement, that maybe, just _maybe_ she'd give him a true chance.

"_James_... " she starts in a sad whisper. She can see his pain and it's killing her. Truly killing her, but she just can't, _can't_ because she knows what happens to muggle-borns and blood-traitors, and she can't be a burden or danger for him, not more then she already is...

"NO! " he cuts her off again. "NO! Remus knows about this, and he won't tell me a bloody _thing_! So is that it then?" he trails off suddenly, his voice falling nearly to a whisper. "That's it isn't it? You two... you two are. dating. aren't you?"

His voice cracks and seems broken to her ears and it breaks her heart. Could he? Could he still feel that way about her, after all this time? Could he feel so strongly for her? No probably not. Just the whims of a man's ego. At least it's what she tells herself to quell the pain in her chest.

"Remus and I aren't seeing each other James. We're just friends."

"RIGHT!" and he's yelling again "Right _of course_! So that's why all of a sudden he's telling you about all of his secrets, about his _furry little problem _even! RIGHT!" The anger is back in his voice now, because he can't take it anymore. All these lies.

And all of a sudden, she's angry, bloody _fuming_ because he just doesn't _get it_ and she' _sick and tired _of all of this! And so now _she's_ yelling, and she's no longer controlling what's coming out of her mouth... doesn't care really.

"That's _BULLOCKS_ and you KNOW IT! I'm NOT dating Remus, I don't INTEND to date Remus! I've known about his _furry little problem_, like you call it, since FOURTH YEAR! And WHY do you THINK that I've spent so many _DAMN_ NIGHTS supposedly _sleeping _in the Common Room HUH!? For FUN maybe!? For the _comfort_!?"

And now James is opening his mouth wanting to yell back at her. But he's gaping at her not knowing what to say.

"NO!" she continues "NO! I've been _sleeping_ there, or pretending to anyways, to make sure that _YOU, all of you _were ok! Because I don't _know_ how you do it, but I KNOW that you guys are there with him! And I get that, but I want you to be safe."

"As if you care..." he says almost inaudibly. But she hears him, and if he thought that she was yelling before, that he had ever really heard her yelling, he was in for a big surprise.

"OF COURE I CARE! OF COURSE I DO!"

"WHY WOULD YOU! YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED US, EXCEPT _REMUS_ OF COURSE! ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDS WITH _HIM_. YOU WERE WORRIED WE'D TURN HIM INTO A MURDERER. IS _THAT_ IT!?"

"THIS HAS _NOTHING_ TO DO WITH REMUS, _POTTER_!"

"LIKE HELL IS DOESN'T, YOU FANCY HIM DON'T YOU? YOU FANCY HIM AND HE FANCIES YOU! OF COURSE HE WOULD, WHY _WOULDN'T_ HE? _THAT'S_ WHY YOU'VE BEEN AVOIDING ME, WHY _HE_ WON'T ASWER MY QUESTIONS... YOU..."But she never let him finish. She was livid when she yelled back.

"I _DON'T _FANCY HIM JAMES!" And all of a sudden her voice dropped "I don't..." but he wasn't done, it had taken his toll and he wasn't ready to back off...

"Then _WHY_!?"

"Because I'm _in LOVE_ with _YOU_!" She yelled back, having found her voice again.

Both of them fell silent then, both with their mouths hanging open and eyes wide. She hadn't meant to say it. Didn't want him to know. But there it was, hanging between them and she couldn't take it back. So she did the only thing she could. She turned and she ran, tears threatening to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

**Chapter 6. ****Ugly mornings**

The next morning, James was determined to set things right. He still didn't understand what in merlin's name was going on. But she had told him that she loved him, and he was not just going to let that go. There was no bloody way in hell that he would just let her walk away now. After she had ran off last night, he had pounded on her door to talk to her. When she didn't answer he had seriously contemplated blasting the door off its hinges, but thought better of it at the last second. As he went back to sit in his own room, glancing at the Marauders Map, he realized that she had already left her room and was currently with Dorcas and Marlene in the seventh year girls' dorm.

Making his way into the great hall, his eyes zoomed in on her as if drawn by some magnetic force. And so, without noticing the tense atmosphere in the great hall, nor who else was around, James hastily made his way to her, dead set on figuring this out. _Now_.

"Lily" Came James' voice from behind her "we need to talk." When she didn't react, he tried again. "Please, Lily."

"I'm kind of busy right now James." She replied, eyes still fixed on the _Prophet _ open before her but sill clearly avoiding him.

"It's important."

"So is a balanced and healthy breakfast, or so I've heard."

"Damn it Lily! You can't just tell me you love me and then expect me to disappear!" He was yelling now, growing impatient despite promising himself he would stay calm.

Suddenly, losing interest in their own discussions, the seventh year Gryffindor's heads all snapped up, as well as all students that were in earshot. Snape, that had been walking nearby, faltered in his step, quickly glaring in their direction, before balling his fists and continuing to his table. Really, the whole situation would have been quite comical, if it weren't that Lily wanted to bury herself six feet under.

"_What!?_" Exclaimed Dorcas, Marlene, Sirius and Peter in unison. Both Lily and James ignored them, although Lily grew bright red.

"It doesn't matter James, it doesn't change anything." She whispered her eyes trained on his feet.

"Seriously Lily!? I don't get this! One second we're getting close, and I'm thinking _'finally I get my chance with the _amazing_ Lily Evans_', then the next second you're completely avoiding me, giving me the silent treatment - and merlin _knows_ what for! And then you're yelling at me and then telling me you love me! And _now_! What? We're back to you ignoring me!?"

"James, please. Just leave it alone"

While still bobbing his head between Lily and James as if in the middle of a particularly dizzying quidditch match, Sirius leaned towards Remus whispering loud enough for the others to hear. "I wonder how that would go? You know, the yelling then the _'I love you!'_?"

"Shut up Sirius." Remus answered, clearly unamused.

Understanding dawning upon his face, Sirius turned fully towards his friend "You know something about this, don't you?" His attention was rapidly called back to the arguing couple though, when James continued.

"No Lily! I can't just - _let this go_!"

"James just... argh! Just forget it ok? It was stupid!" And with that she pushed up and stormed out. As James turned to follow her though, Remus' voice turned him back around.

"Mate, just give her some time."

"What the _bloody_ hell Remus? I've given her time! Seven _damn years_ of time! What more does she want? What more can I do!?"

"Well to be fair, you only started asking her out - what was it?" Sirius says looking toward Peter "Middle of fourth year?"

"Nah, I'd go pretty much since the beginning of fourth year." He answered, chuckling.

"Ok. So you can hardly say it's been seve - "

"SHUT _UP_ GUYS!" James and Remus cut them off.

Turning back to James, Remus continued. "I don't think this is about what _you_ can do James" and then looking down at the paper in front of them "I think it's about what _she_ can do."

"What? That doesn't make any sense Moony!" Sirius cried out looking back to James. Following James' gaze though, his eyes finally fell upon the paper Lily had abandoned at the table, the paper Remus, had been trying to make them notice:

_'NO ONE IS SAFE!_

_The massacre of renowned author Miranda Goshawk, best known for her work on the __Standard Book of Spells__ collection, and her soon to be muggle-born husband, was discovered late last night. Until recently, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named rarely killed Pure-Bloods, such as Mrs. Goshawk, stating that it would be a shame to waist such blood. It is believed however, that her death was to serve as a warning for Pure-Bloods choosing to ally themselves with those of muggle descent. The recent increase in deaths of Pure-Bloods...'_

"Well this can't be good..."

"Shut up Sirius."

* * *

**Miranda Goshawk:** Born in 1921. She was the author of many charms spellbooks. Many were to be used as Hogwarts textbooks, such as The _Standard Book of Spells_ collection. She also wrote _Goshawk's Guide to Herbology_ and a the third volume of the collection _Which Owl?_

___Information found on: Harry Potter Wiki_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

**Chapter 7. ****The good fight**

It's not because James finally understood what was going on in Lily's mind that he approved of her logic. He knew though, that Lily had a strong sense of pride, selflessness, and unfortunately, stubbornness, and that changing her mind would not, by any means, be easy. It's for this sole reason, that he waited until transfiguration class two days later to approach her again. He knew he would only get one shot of getting his point across, and he wanted to make sure that the words came out right. Or in any case, as right as possible.

As he walked into class that afternoon, he made a beeline straight for the pretty redhead sitting quietly by the window of the front row. He grabbed a chair next to her, swinging it right next to her, so that when he sat, his knees lightly pushed against her legs. He pushed his body as far forward as possible, closing unnecessary space between them, therefore fully capturing her attention and making sure the whole class wouldn't overhear their conversation. Of course he knew his friends, especially Sirius, would find a way to listen in, but he didn't care, he just needed her to understand.

Before he could say a word though, Lily turned her face towards the window, saying in a near whisper. "Please, James. I don't want to talk about th... "

But before she could finish, he cut her off. "Lily, just listen. I just have something I need to say."

And when she didn't respond, he continued. "Please just - look at me Lils?" It was a nickname that he had started using as they became close friends. He was the only one to ever call her that, and although she never would have admitted it, especially back then, it always sent a jolt down her spine. He hadn't called her that in days. Not since she had started pushing him away. And it was that, probably more than anything else, except maybe the slight pleading in his voice, that broke her resolve and made her turn towards him. Even if she kept her eyes firmly rooted to the desk, this small gesture was what gave James strength to grab her right hand in his own. When, to his utmost surprise, she didn't pull away, he grabbed her second hand before continuing.

"I just wanted to say." His voice caught before he could continue. "I get it. I get why you're scared. And I get that you're trying to protect me."

At those words, Lily's eye shot up to meet his. "Remus _told_ you?" She scowled.

"He didn't say a word. Well. Not really. I saw the paper you were reading. It... kind of clicked after that. He just... didn't deny it."

"Tosser..." She breathed and he laughed.

Her eyes fell back to her desk as he continued. "Anyways. I just. I get it. And, if things were reversed... Merlin knows I'd probably be doing the same thing." A small humourless laughter escaped his lips at that. "Except. Knowing you. There's no way you would let me pull that crap."

"It's not crap." Her voice came out soft, broken to his ears, and he could actually feel pain radiating of her as if it were his own.

"Maybe..."

And as he started responding, professor McGonagall's voice rose above his own. "Mr. Potter. If you could please regain your seat, class is starting." And when he just ignored her completely as he continued speaking, she repeated moving toward them "Mr_. Potter!_"

But having gotten close enough, she was rooted to the spot as she heard the rest of what James was saying. "But you know Lily. If you do this, if you just walk away from this. From us. Then you're just giving them _exactly_ what they want." And, taking a brief pause as he went to stand, he added. "You're letting them win."

Then he rose fully, not looking back at her nor paying attention to the professor who had stood dumbstruck by his words, and made his way to his desk at the back of the room.

Lily could not bring herself to concentrate during class. James' words kept repeating in her mind _'you're giving them exactly what they want.'_ - _'You're letting them win.'_ She couldn't stop thinking about it. And even when her friends tried getting her attention, she was simply too caught up in her own mind to notice. Even McGonagall noticed the total lack of attention of her usually most attentive student, but she couldn't bring herself to reprimand the girl.

As the bell indicating the end of class rang, Lily tried catching James' eye. She was somewhat surprised when he simply gathered his books and left class, without a simple glance in her direction. Peter followed closely behind, hugging his books tightly to his chest, while Remus sent her a soft encouraging smile before following his friends. Finally, she noticed Sirius hanging behind, slowly gathering his belongings. That was odd, because Sirius was usually the first out at the sound of the bell. But as she went to pass by him and leave, the reason behind his lack of speed suddenly became clear.

"_Oy, Evans!_"

She paused. "Listen Sirius, I don't want to hear it ok? I've already got James upset with me, and I just... please don't."

"I won't. I actually wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" She asked bewildered.

"Well yeah. I mean... James is my best friend. Like a brother really. And yeah, he wants to be with you, and yeah, this is killing him. But I mean, in the end, you're trying to protect him you know? I get that. I respect that. And, well... thanks for looking out for him.

"Yeah well..."

"We all know he doesn't see all that clearly when it comes to you. So just. Thanks."

Picking up his things and smiling at her, adding a small wink for good measure, he made his way to the door. Pausing briefly before crossing the threshold, he turned back to her, eyes more sincere than she'd ever seen them and added. "But you know Lily-Bean. As much as I _hate_ admitting it when Prongs is right about something." He said with a small laugh. "In this case. The man's got a point... Just so you know."

And with that, he was gone, leaving her as puzzled as ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

**Chapter 8. ****The Order**

Days passed, and Lily was still turning James' words in her mind. Worse: Even Sirius' words seemed to be on repeat in her head _'The man's got a point... Just so you know'_. She knew. Of course she knew. But she still wasn't sure she wanted to risk it. This whole situation was taking its toll on her. Marlene and Dorcas kept telling her she was being stupid. That she should just be with James. As for the Marauders they didn't quite know how to act around her. They were her friends and they understood that she was trying to protect James. However, they cared about James and wanted him to be happy. They were also evidently sharing his beliefs that Lily's not being with him, was as good as declaring forfeit and letting Voldemort win. They didn't want to pressure her though. Basically, the situation was a mess.

In a desperate attempt to get away from it all, Lily had discreetly made her way to the Great Lake. After a long walk along its shore, she had found a quiet place to sit and watch the sunset, as she fiercely tried to get things straightened up in her mind. Distracted as she was, she never noticed the upcoming footfalls, until she heard his low voice behind her.

"Maybe you should be taking him to St-Mungos."

"What are you going on about Snape?" She snapped, slightly startling but not moving from where she was sitting, not even wasting energy to look back at him.

"Well. Clearly he's delusional if he thinks you told him you love him." Came his sneering response.

"I think you're the delusional one. If you think you still - or _ever_ actually - had the right to speak to me this way." She kept her voice low, void of emotion. But he knew better, knew she was actually seething. He couldn't bring himself to care though.

"You deserve better than _him_!"

"Yeah? Tell me _Severus._ Who _exactly_ would fit the bill?" And if she would have looked at him then, she would have seen him debating. Would have seen his inner-turmoil. But she didn't turn around, and she continued, voice cold and steady but full of rage. "Don't forget now. _Mudbloods_ don't get much pick."

Her words stung worse than any hex she could have sent him. His voice was broken when he tried. "Lily - "

"You need to leave."

He could feel her boiling, but he didn't care. He was _not_ going to let that Potter-git win. She was supposed to be _his_. And so he tried again "I could _protect_ you Lily."

A humourless chuckle escaped her. "I don't _need_ your protection Snape! It's _your_ people that are _making_ this mess to begin with!"

"Lily - "

"Remember my friend Mary?" She hissed, cutting him off but still refusing to look at him. "Mary MacDonald? You know - the one that told me you were intending to spend the night outside our common room?" And suddenly his Lily, his strong Lily's voice was cracking as she fought to keep her composure. "She's _gone_ Snape, _disappeared_. Her _entire family! _Do I really need to remind you what was found floating above her house? _Who did that to them?_"

"Lily -"

"You need to _leave_!" She all but shouted, this time whipping her head around to meet his black gaze.

"No. Lily, you need to - "

"I think she was pretty clear _mate_. You need to go." It was James' voice that cut him off this time. His voice had been steady, low, but full of authority and venom. His gaze was hard. His hands were by his sides, but Lily could see his knuckles were white around his wand, ready to react at the slightest indication.

As Snape turned towards James, raising aggressively his wand in the process, both Lily and James were quick to raise their own, James' wand directly between Snape's eyes. "Two against one. I wouldn't try it _Snivellus_. But then again, you lot aren't the brightest are you? Plus... I'd _love_ a good reason to hex you again. It's been too long hasn't it?"

Lily could sense more than she could actually see her old best mate debating the question. It wasn't just being caught at the end of a wand that enraged him. It was Potter's wand, and he loathed the whole situation. Lily knew that he felt betrayed by her in the worst possible way. She didn't care though, she had stuck by his side through thick and through thin. He was the one that had betrayed her, he had made his choice. And so she moved forward, resting the tip of her wand directly between his shoulder blades and whispered in his ear. "Don't give _me_ a reason to hex you Snape."

At those words, he seemed to deflate entirely, dropping his wand to his side. And in the split-second he turned around to look back into her eyes, she saw a hint of her old friend, as well as something else she couldn't quite place. Longing? It was quickly gone though, and without another word he had spun around and was striding back to the castle, robes flowing behind his bat-like body.

"You ok?" Of course James knows Snape would never physically hurt Lily. Because despite his twisted little mind, James knows exactly how Snape feels about her. He knows he tries to hide it, but James sees it in the way his black eyes linger on her, how they devour her as if she was his. But even if he knows Snape would never raise a wand or a hand to Lily, he also knows the effect the slimy Slytherin still has on her. He knows exactly how much his words can cut her, even after all this time.

"Yeah" Her voice was strained but she tried to regain composure as she continued. "What are you doing out here anyway?"

"Dumbledore wants to see us." He replied, turning away briskly and marching back to the castle. Lily followed behind, trying to keep up with his long strides but failing miserably. He was still upset with her. And she couldn't blame him.

Upon entering the headmasters office, Lily was somewhat stunned to see the number of people that were already there. Some were current students, such as Caradoc Dearborn, Benji Fenwick and of course Dorcas, Marlene and the Marauders. Some she barely knew but recognized as former students such as and Frank and Alice Longbottom, the Prewett brothers and even Emmeline Vance. As the door closed behind her, Dumbledore stood, looking quite pleased.

"Ah miss Evans! I see that Mr. Potter has been able to locate you. Perfect, we shall begin then."

* * *

**Mary MacDonald:** Gryffindor student that attended Hogwarts with Lily. She's the one that told Lily of Snape's intention of spending the night outside the Gryffindor common room after calling her a mudblood in fifth year. Mary is believed to be a muggleborn or if not, a muggleborn supporter, as she was attacked by Mulciber while at school.

**Caradoc Dearborn:** Was part of the original Order of the Phoenix. He disappeared somewhere in 1981-1982. His body was never found.

**Benji Fenwick:** Was part of the original Order of the Phoenix. He was killed in the second half of 1981. According to Moody, the only found _'bits of him'_.

**Frank and Alice Longbottom:** Do I really need to go there? ;)

**Prewett brothers:** Were both part of the original Order of the Phoenix. They were both killed in 1981 by five Death Eaters. Brothers to Molly Weasley.

**Emmeline Vance: **Was part of the original and second Order of the Phoenix. She was part of Harry's guard when they retrieved him from Pivet Drive. Died in 1996 after an attack from Death Eaters near the residence of the Muggle Prime Minister.

_All information can be found on Harry Potter Wiki._


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

**Chapter 9. ****Induction**

That night, the four Marauders as well as Lily, Dorcas and Marlene made their way up the Gryffindor stairs and sat together in the Heads' common room. They talked for hours, none of them really believing what they had heard in Dumbledore's office. But even if every single one of them knew how dangerous it would be to join the Order of the Phoenix, it was clear in all of their minds that it was what they had to do. Except maybe Peter's.

"Dumbledore told us to take time and think about it though."

"What's there to think about Pete? I mean, we can't just stand by and let them try and wipe out everyone who doesn't fit in to their perfect little mould or who doesn't agree with them." James replied straightaway.

"Well. No. Of course not. I just meant... Well it would be dangerous." He stammered trying to defend himself.

"Yeah well so is being best friends with muggle-borns and half-bloods." Replied Sirius looking at Lily then at Remus. "But that's not gonna change. So why not do something about it, eh?"

For some reason that she couldn't explain, Lily's eyes flew to James at that statement, a jolt running threw her when she saw his eyes already on hers. And without looking away from Lily one instant, James continued. "Yeah Pete. We're already blood-traitors you know." And then, Lily would have sworn his eyes became even more intense as he finished. "We're already marked."

She knew what he was trying to say. She had understood it the second Dumbledore had offered them to join. And so still holding his gaze, she answered. "Guess we're all going to have to protect each other now."

Later that night, as each of their friends made their way back to their respective dorms, Lily stayed behind, willing James to do the same. He had grown more distant since their talk before transfiguration class, but as he rose to follow his friends out of the room, Lily managed to catch his eye.

"Can I have a word?" Her voice came out soft and timid. He nodded curtly before turning to his friends and wishing them goodnight. As they left, he simply turned back to Lily, hazel eyes on green, but made no attempt to approach her.

"I just..." She began stepping nervously towards him before stopping mid step. "James. I - uh."

"I know what you're going to say. And I know it dangerous, but I'm doing this. I'm not yours to protect." His voice was stern, guarded.

"I know. That's not what I was going to say." When he simply looked at her expectantly, she took another step forward before continuing, her face gaining a rosy tint. "I just. I meant what I said. When I said we all needed to protect each other." And then, suddenly growing bolder, she closed the remaining space between them, and looking him straight in the eye, finished. "_We_ could protect each other."

"What are you saying Lily?" His voice was hesitant. Afraid he was understanding simply what he wanted to, and not what she truly meant.

"I'm saying that I was wrong. I mean. I want you to be safe. But I want you to be safe... with me." And then she added, blushing furiously as the words spilled out of her. "Once we graduate and Dumbledore starts sending us on missions... We're all going to be in the thick of it. In danger. Fighting for the cause but also for our lives. And I think... if we have a reason for fighting. I mean. If we have someone to come back to... I know I would fight harder to stay alive, if I had... If you still... want me..."

They stood there, eyes locked on one another, neither daring to move or even breath. But Lily's hand were shaking and James' gaze had instantly become passionate. And when they would tell this story to their friends, neither of them would be able to say if seconds or minutes or hours had passed before James' hands were suddenly cupping her face as their lips were crashing together. Lily's arms reaching behind him, her hands splayed across his back as she pulled his body to hers. And as his fingers found their way to her hair, and then to her neck and her shoulders, Lily raised herself to her tiptoes, pulling him impossibly closer, beckoning him to deepen the kiss. Before they knew it, James had Lily pressed against the wall, fingers gliding under the hem of her shirt as she was moaning into his mouth, tugging on his shirt.

"Lily." Gasped a breathless James while pulling away. "I'm sorry I don't want to push - "

"Will... um..." She started before swallowing visibly, eyes briefly flickering away. "Will you still - want me - in the morning?" She asked apprehensively.

"What? Of course!" And then taking her chin in his hand and looking deeply in her eyes, he whispered earnestly. "I'll always want you Lily. It's only ever been you." And then his voice getting impossible more tender. "I - I love you, Lily."

"Then make love to me." She whispered back, biting his ear lightly.

Most would think that their first time would have been fast and clumsy, fuelled by months, years even, of yearning. But James was delicate as he took her in his arms and laid her on his bed, his eyes never leaving hers. His lips worshiped her body as his fingers lightly grazed her thighs, her sides, her breasts. As his lips found hers once more, he kissed her passionately, deeply, his fingers finding their way to her wet folds. And when her body rocked against his forcefully, a loud moan escaping her lips as if begging for more, he finally buried himself deep within her. Slowly at first, careful not to hurt her, but deeper and faster as they gained confidence. And when her walls clasped around him and he spilled within her, he held her close to him. Whispering words of comfort and love as he kissed her hair.

There may be a war raging outside these walls, but right here, in this moment, all that matters is that they have finally found their way to each other.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All mentioned characters are property of J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

**Chapter 10. ****Sealing fates**

As Severus made his way to defence against the dark arts class that morning, he never could have guessed, despite knowing this class was to take place with the Gryffindor students, just how horrible this day could be. How much it would change the rest of his life. Something made him uneasy that morning, there seemed to be some invisible shift in the air, or some unheard whispers in the halls. But when he stepped foot in class that morning, some invisible hand seemed to clench around his heart at the sight of Lily Evans laughing amongst the Marauders. She was leaning close to Potter, eyes beaming and lips turned up in a radiating smile. Too often, Potter would bend close to her, pushing a strand of her glossy hair over her shoulder, and whisper in her ear. What struck Snape the hardest though, was that not only would she let him, she would be positively glowing. And even if he couldn't be certain from where he stood, he was nearly positive that the two had their fingers tightly woven together. It made him sick.

All of a sudden, it was too much. He needed to know. He never could have brought himself to violate Lily's mind the way Legilimency permitted him to, but he had no qualms about invading Potter's. And so, even if he still had a long way to go before becoming a perfectly skilled legilimens, he was positive he would be successful in breaching his mind. At this point, Potter's mind was practically screaming to be read. And so, clearing his mind, it took but a few seconds and the images were swarming into him, uncontrolled, unadulterated.

_His lips, tracing their way from her jaw to her shoulders as his body presses hers to the mattress. Her fingers, running up his bare chest as her hips press up against his. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head with his name on her lips. A soft moan. A shirt discarded, followed by a belt - trousers. Hands roaming. Bare skin. Her hands in his hair as he's sighing her name. Eyes boring into one another, he pushes into her. It's soft, full of love and care and endless passion. The desire is burning him. And then she's resting against him, falling asleep in his arms as he kisses her hair. And he loves her. Has always. Will always. And her eyes open, just slightly. Just enough that she can peak into his "I love you, James". _

It hits him like a ton of bricks and it takes all his willpower not to gag. He can't believe it. Lily, _his _Lily. She turns to him as his books fall to the floor and he can imagine how absolutely awful he must look because he feels the color drain from his face and she's looking at him, and even if they haven't been friends in years, her eyes are wide with worry. He can't move though. So she does. And without him knowing how or when she got there, she's standing right in front of him.

"Sev? Are you ok?" He doesn't quite know what does it, probably the use of his old nickname, but suddenly his mouth snaps shut as his eyes jump to hers. A blinding rage burns threw him but the words that escape his lips are barely above a coarse whisper. He's not even sure that she'll hear him.

"How _could you_?"

"What?"

"You let him. You and - you let that - that _swine_ - he - he's _all over you_!"

"Sev?" She's blushing now. But he can't possibly know, there's no way. So it has to be something else that's bothering him. She reaches out to grab her old mate's shoulder. "What are you - "

He flinches back at her friendly movement as if she had hit him.

"Don't touch me! Don't pretend - don't you _dare_ lie to me!" And before she can decide on what to say, he's glaring at James.

"It's _disgusting_ is what it is." He spits looking back at her. And as suddenly as he had appeared, he was gone.

Lily would never understand what had happened that day. And although James had a very good idea, having heard a very disgusted and very angry _'you hurt her and I _swear_ I'll kill you'_ in his mind at the exact moment that Snape had been glaring at him, he never told her.

And despite her knowing that her actions the night before had sealed her and James' lives forever, she never knew that this very moment had sealed another. She would never know that when her old friend had looked back into her eyes, something inside him had snapped. He might have already started down a different path than her, but in that moment, he had reached a point of no-return. In that moment, he swore to become a more powerful man that she could ever believe. The kind of man that she would have no other choice than to be enamoured with.

And Snape would understand far too late, that she never wanted power. Lily Evans was a woman that wanted love and courage. And above all else, she wanted loyalty. It would be her death sentence that would stir those things within him. It would be her execution that would finally bring forth the man she knew he always could be. The man she could have loved.

But it was in those moments, that their lives were sealed.


End file.
